What Should We Do
Last night I fought through anxiety dreams and sleeplessness to wake up and stare at the ceiling. Paralyzed by the to-do list that I knowingly ignored for another day.
I was supposed to start paying my student loans a month ago.
My license plate is expired
I need a new passport.
Dogs need baths.
I have no clean clothes.
And on,
and on,
and on.
I know how much easier my life would be if I just decided to tackle just one thing on this list a day. But, here I am, another night losing sleep. It is silly honesty, how much I will do just to avoid doing the things I need to do. And for what?
It’s such a small divide, I think, between who you are, and who you could be. And I think that little divide starts to get bigger when you spend each day avoiding what you should do. I think about this a lot. How far I may have gotten in comedy by now if I had never stopped. Whether one of my scripts would have been picked up by now if I just had the balls to submit them. Who could I be today?
I always convince myself this could all be different if I just changed one outside factor.
A new planner
A new routine
A new week.
And on,
and on,
and on.
I try to blame the cards I have been dealt. I have ADHD, I’m busy, I just need a day to relax.
But the truth is the only reason I’m not where I want to be is because of me. Maybe I’m scared to fail or succeed. Maybe I hate change. Maybe I’m lazy. But at the end of the day none of that really matters. Another sleepless night flows into another unproductive day and I’m not anywhere closer to where I want to be, and that needs to change. Because no matter how much I resent that I haven’t accomplished some of the things I set out to accomplish, worrying about it isn’t going to bring any of that time back. So I just need to treat each day like a new opportunity to get shit done and start heading down the path that will get me where I need to be. Because these days, turn into weeks, turn into months.
And on,
And on,
And on.
