I thought back to that little girl obsessed with spies. She never had a never given the way she looked a second thought. It’s sad really, how we go from these innocent little people, without any idealization of what we should look like, to an adult over criticizing myself in the mirror. I wonder how I would think about myself now, having never been tainted by society, mean girls, or the media telling me I’m not good enough. Would I still count calories? Would I be able to enjoy fast food without the impending guilt?

It’s such a small divide, I think, between who you are, and who you could be. And I think that little divide starts to get bigger when you spend each day avoiding what you should do. I think about this a lot. How far I may have gotten in comedy by now if I had never stopped. Whether one of my scripts would have been picked up by now if I just had the balls to submit them. Who could I be today?

Nothing makes me want to shove thorny branches through my eyes and into my skull like the rigmarole of airport security and etiquette. I take full responsibility that my aversion may very well be something I have conditioned myself for. But that does not negate the fact that when most people enter the airport they turn into fucking morons.

It sucks getting older, we try to hang onto it with reunions, and throwback music, and botox, but the clock keeps ticking. The further away we get from weekly girls nights and the closer we get to yearly reunions. But melting into a nostalgia coma is not going to bring those days back.

Now if foul, stupid, lying, cheating, inept, 20 something nobodies are your thing, then this one's for you. And if it’s not, well then maybe in the next life; words from my mother, the ones that mind don’t matter, and the ones that matter don't mind.